


Broken Roads

by helsinkibaby



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:52:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/pseuds/helsinkibaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last two members of Lisbon's CBI team learn how to go on after losing everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Roads

_I - Starting Over At the End_ __

 

As he drove down the main street of the tiny Iowa town, Cho was well aware that every eye was on him; well, him and his shiny new rental car at any rate. He'd been expecting it, was used to it after years of working with the CBI, but this was different. This was personal. He did his best to ignore it as he drove but there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that, while it had been there all day, all week come to that, slowly began to increase.

 

When he finally came to the house he was looking for, that feeling intensified tenfold. Standing in front of the bolted gate were two burly men, arms crossed over their chests, shotguns prominently in view resting against their legs. Cho pulled to a stop before he reached them and one of the men stepped towards the car, thankfully leaving his shotgun with the other man. Rolling down the window, Cho put on his best no nonsense CBI voice, the one that said loud and clear that he expected to be obeyed. "My name is Kimball Cho," he said, considering flashing his badge, deciding against it. "I'm here..."

 

"I know who you are, son," the man said, and while the use of son would usually rankle, there was a kindness to the man's tone that made Cho hardly notice it. "And I know why you're here. Go on up."

 

The other man was already unbolting the gate, holding it open and saluting Cho as he drove through. In the rear view mirror, Cho could see the first man, the one who had talked to him, talking on a cell phone. That sight meant he wasn't surprised when he drove up to the house and the front door was already open, a man and woman standing on the front porch waiting for him. 

 

The woman was the first to step towards him, and much to his surprise she stepped towards him and enveloped him in a hug. "We were hoping you'd come," she whispered to him. When she pulled back, there were tears in her green eyes and she ducked her head, tucking strands of red hair behind her ears. 

 

"Now, Violet, don't be embarrassing the man." Amos Van Pelt's voice was gruff but his eyes were kind, his grip firm as he shook Cho's hand. "Good to see you again. Well, as good as it can be."

 

"You too, sir, ma'am." He looked over their shoulders towards the house, as if expecting her to be standing on the porch, smiling down at him. If she still smiled that was; the last time they'd seen one another, almost a year ago now, smiles had been hard to come by. "How is..."

 

"Quiet."Her mother jumped in before he could finish the sentence, and when her husband gave her a look, she shook her head. "More so than usual."

 

Cho nodded, indicated the house. "May I?"

 

Amos nodded. "She's on the back porch," he told Cho. "I'll show you." He led Cho up the front steps and through the house, stopping when he got close to the back door. A wave of his hand and he was gone, back to his wife, leaving Cho to marshal his courage and step outside. 

 

Sure enough, Grace was sitting on a porch swing, staring out at what was supposed to be a lawn but looked to Cho more like a football field. Her back was ramrod straight, her posture perfect as always, and when he stepped up near her, there was the faintest of faint smiles hovering around her lips. "Somehow," she said before he could speak, "I knew you'd come."

 

She didn't look around, just kept staring straight ahead and while Cho prided himself on his unflappability, he found the situation just a touch bizarre. "How did you know it was me?"

 

"Your footsteps." She still didn't turn to look at him. "I learned to recognise them all at the CBI. Some things you never forget."

 

Cho didn't know if there was a double meaning in the words for her or not, but for him there was, and a shiver ran down his spine. Shaking it off, he took a step towards her, shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well, I was in the neighbourhood. Thought I should drop in and say hi."

 

At that, she did turn to him, eyebrow raised and a grin on her face. Cho knew that look well; it was her "are you kidding me?" look. Back in the day, he'd seen it directed at Rigsby more than once. "Sacramento to here is like, fifteen hundred miles," she pointed out. "And you were just in the neighbourhood?"

 

He nodded, fortified by this glimpse of the Van Pelt he'd know. "Yes." His nod was definite, his voice sure, CBI agent at his best. "So, I come all this way and you're not even going to offer me a seat?"

 

Grace shook her head, pursing her lips in obvious amusement. "Sit down, Cho."

 

Doing as he was told, Cho took the opportunity to study her, his years of CBI experience meaning that sizing her up didn't take long. She was thinner than he remembered, weight she couldn't really afford to lose; paler too, freckles standing out in clear relief against her skin. Her eyes were red-rimmed but clear and when she turned her head to look at him, he could almost pretend that the last year hadn't happened. 

 

Almost. 

 

"You're worried I'm going to freak out on you?" 

 

There was a hint of amusement in the question, but Cho treated it seriously. "Should I be?"

 

Grace shook her head slowly. "I've done all that," she told him and if that was supposed to make him feel better, it failed spectacularly. "I'm ok."

 

Lifting an eyebrow, Cho looked her dead in the eyes. "Yeah?" He didn't believe it for an instant, and she looked down at her lap, shoulders rising and falling in a shrug. 

 

"No," she admitted. "But I will be."

 

Cho was ready to say something but the bundle that had been resting in her lap chose that moment to wake up with a squawk. The smile that lit up Grace's face was something to behold as she raised the baby up, shushing her and patting her back. In no time at all, the child was quiet, staring up at her mother with large eyes. "Here," Grace said, standing up and handing the child to Cho, who opened his mouth in protest. Perhaps realising what he was going to say, Grace headed him off at the pass. "She wants her bottle," she said firmly. "And you'll be fine."

 

She wasn't going to take no for an answer, barely broke stride as she headed to the door and in that instant she truly was the Grace Van Pelt of old. Shaking his head, Cho watched her walk away, through the door, then down at the child who was now staring at him with unblinking eyes. He'd never laid eyes on this child before, but he knew those eyes. 

 

Rigsby's eyes. 

 

 

>*<*>*<

 

_II - Say Goodbye to Yesterday_ __

 

“Over there.”

 

Those are the first words that either of them has spoken since Cho picked Grace up at her hotel an hour ago. Even then, the most she could manage was a stiff hello, and then she’d lapsed into silence, staring out the window and chewing her lip. As they had walked down the path, Cho had noticed her beginning to tremble, something that had only intensified as they reached their destination.

 

When she heard Cho’s words, she stopped and looked up at him, biting her lip then looking over her shoulder. For a second he thought she was either going to ask him to go with her or if they could go home, but then she visibly shook herself, squared her shoulders and gave him a nod. Turning, she made her way along the neatly manicured gravestones, stopping when she came to the one she was looking for; the one Cho came here to see every week.

 

Cho never took his eyes off her, moving carefully so that he could see her profile, staying far away enough to allow her some privacy. He looked down, fully intending not to look, but he couldn’t help it. She stood stock still for a long, long moment, then her hand rose to cover her lips, her entire body shaking with sobs. Dropping to her knees, she covered her face with her hands for a moment, but only a moment before she wiped her eyes almost impatiently with one hand, reaching out with the other to touch the dark marble.

 

When she looked around at Cho – it could have minutes or hours later, he didn’t keep track – he took it as a hint, walking up to her and laying a hand on her shoulder. Eyes red but dry, she even managed to give him a slight smile as she looked up at him, using his hand on her shoulder as leverage to rise. She didn’t seem inclined to move so Cho didn’t either, and the two of them just stood there, looking down at Rigsby’s name in shiny gold engraving.

 

“I should have come sooner,” Grace said quietly.

 

Cho shook his head. “You came when you were ready,” he said simply. “Wayne would understand that.”

 

Grace’s laugh, when it came, was bitter, nothing like the Van Pelt he remembered. “I wish I could believe that.”

 

“Oh please.” Cho shook his head. “You could have told Rigsby you sacrificed puppies to the devil and he wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. He’d’ve forgiven you anything.”

 

“And he did.” Grace’s smile was sad, her words tinged with just the slightest hint of bitterness. “Dumping him for the good of our careers... falling in love with another man...running back to him when things got tough...”

 

“It wasn’t like that.” Cho didn’t even think about his reply. He may only have been a spectator to the relationship, but thanks to his partnership with Rigsby, he’d heard more details than he’d been comfortable with at the time. “You and Rigsby... you were it. You were it for each other... what we all look for.” He looked over at Grace then, saw her wide eyes, amazement stamped all over her features at this most un-Cho-like declaration. Shrugging, he gave her a small smile of his own, almost an apology for shocking her. “You were meant to be.”

 

Grace continued to stare at him for a full sixty seconds – he counted – before she laughed. An actual, full-bodied laugh, the like of which he’d rarely heard from Grace Van Pelt. Maybe his surprise showed on his face because her laughter increased before she clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. “I’m sorry,” she said, waving her hand, still giggling. “I’ve just never heard you...” Shaking her head, she was helpless against another peal of giggles and Cho couldn’t help himself, he was chuckling too. “Oh God,” Grace finally wheezed. “This is so inappropriate for a graveyard...”

 

Privately, Cho thought that it was good to see a spark of life in Grace again, and not only that but that Rigsby would approve wholeheartedly. “C’mon,” he said, slinging an arm around her shoulders and walking her over to a bench nearby. When they were seated, he looked at her and sighed. “It’s good to see you smile. Wayne would approve.”

 

Grace looked down at her hands, pressed them together tightly. “I know,” she said quietly. “I’ve thought about coming here so many times, but I never could. Thank you.”

 

Cho shrugged. “Yeah, well, Wayne would have approved of that too.”

Grace looked off into the distance, gaze studiously avoiding Rigsby’s grave. “Do you know why I called Alison that?” she asked. Cho knew she knew he didn’t know the answer so he just sat, waiting for her to continue. “We were in the office one night... it was late, everyone else was gone. It was when we were just starting things again... and Wayne asked me did I want some coffee because he was going to make some. I said no, but when he’d gone, I changed my mind so I went into the kitchen...” A smile, faraway and sad, ghosted along her lips. “He’d turned on the radio in there, and he was singing along... to  _Alison_  by Elvis Costello. And that’s when I knew. That I still loved him. That I’d never stopped loving him.” Her cheeks flushed and she shook her head, staring up at the sky. “Is that the lamest reason ever for choosing a baby’s name?”

 

“No.” Cho kept his face perfectly straight. “I’m just thankful they weren’t playing  _Lola_. It really wouldn’t sound right with Van Pelt.”

 

That was all Grace needed to burst into more laughter. “Stop it,” she laughed, batting at his arm. Taking a deep breath, all humour fled from her face. “So, I have something to tell you.” Cho tilted his head, waiting as she took another deep breath and the words rushed out, as if she wanted to say them before she changed her mind. “I’m going back to work.”

 

Cho blinked, genuinely taken off guard. “Are you sure?” he asked, and this time when Grace laughed, there was no real humour in it.

 

“Kimball, they signed me off on sick leave after everything... then maternity leave... then extended parental leave, which I don’t think even officially exists...” Cho didn’t think it did either, but he also knew that the brass hadn’t wanted to make a big deal about forcing Grace to go back to work, or to do anything that might make her life more difficult. After everything, the American public, in large part due to the American media, had adopted Grace as somewhat of a media darling, a role she had no interest in playing which only seemed to increase interest in her. “I think the CBI has been more than patient.”

 

“So they’re not putting you under pressure?”

 

Grace shook her head. “This is all me. I need to get back to work... and Allie needs to see she has a mom who’s not broken.”

 

“You’re not broken.” The denial was instant and when Grace looked at him with a tilt of the head and a quirk of an eyebrow, he knew she wasn’t buying it.

 

“Not anymore,” she corrected. “And I need to prove that to everyone... to myself.”

 

“OK.” Cho nodded, already mentally rearranging teams and desks and furniture. “Well, there have been a lot of changes, but I think you’ll fit in well...”

 

 “No.” The word was quick, too quick, almost panicked. “No,” she said again, quieter this time. “I mean... I’m going back to the CBI, but not to Sacramento. Not to Headquarters anyway. They're making a new position... FBI liaison." Cho blinked in surprise and she must have known why because her lips twisted in something that was halfway between a smile and a grimace. "Yeah, I know. Maybe Craig's why they created the position; I don't know. But they offered me the post, and I'm taking it." Cho nodded, understanding her reasons but at the same time feeling as if he’d lost something. “I can’t go back to Headquarters, Kimball,” she finished. “I just can’t.”

 

Cho nodded, reaching out and taking her hand, squeezing it tightly. “They’ll be lucky to have you,” he told her, meaning every word. “And it'll be nice to have you back in this time zone... it'll make catching up with you and Allie easier.” Because she’d been in Iowa since she’d taken leave and this was the first time she’d been back in California since then. They emailed back and forth, Skyped every now and then, but it wasn't the same. 

 

Grace bit her lip, uncertainty in her eyes. “You don’t have to,” she told him. “Keep looking out for me, I mean. I’ll be fine...”

 

 “It’s not like that.” Her doubt showed on her face and Cho nodded, backtracking. “OK, it started like that. But it’s not like that anymore. You, me... we’re the only ones left. The only ones who know what it was like. No-one else understands.” She was nodding slowly. “When I’m talking to you... when I see Allie... it’s one of the only times I don’t feel that people are thinking about that.” He shrugged. “OK, it might not be the best foundation for a friendship...”

 

Grace squeezed his hand, which was still holding hers. “But it’s not bad.”

 

He smiled, squeezed back. “No, it’s not.”

 

>*<*>*<

 

_III - Stronger than I've Ever Been_

 

“OK, I think she’s down.”

 

Cho looked up from his position kneeling on the floor, putting blocks back into a plastic tub to see Grace grinning down at him. As she crossed her arms, lifting an eyebrow, her grin grew wider and wider and Cho shook his head, sitting up a little. “You’re enjoying this.”

 

Grace actually laughed. “Oh, I’m just wishing I had a camera.”

 

Dropping to her knees, she began to pick up the toys with him and he went back down on his hands and knees and continued. “The room looked like an explosion in a toy store,” he pointed out.

 

“Welcome to my world,” Grace countered dryly and her tone brought a smile to Cho’s face. “You get used to it.” Which was something that Cho was finding – since Grace had moved back to California and gone back to work, he’d been coming over to see her and Allie if not every week, then certainly every other week. Allie was getting used to seeing him; today she’d done a little dance of joy when Grace had opened the door to him before promptly grabbing him by the hand and dragging him into the living room to build a castle with her.  Luckily, Wednesday was mac and cheese night in the Van Pelt household so he hadn’t worried about helping Grace with dinner, and besides, Grace had made it quite clear when he’d apologised over dinner for not being able to help her that keeping Allie occupied was, in fact, a help in and of itself.

 

They fell into a comfortable silence, the only noise in the room being the sound of toys being moved around and when they were nearly finished, Grace was the first one to speak. “So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

 

Cho dropped the stuffed dog he was holding. It was true, something was on his mind, but he was surprised that Grace had noticed. “What do you mean?” he parried, or attempted to, because Grace just gave him a look that was eerily reminiscent of Teresa Lisbon.

 

“C’mon, Kimball, gimme a break. You’ve been even quieter than you usually are.” She tilted her head as if something had occurred to her, cast her eyes to the ceiling. “OK, I get that with Allie you can hardly get a word in, but still. You’re quiet. What’s up?”

 

Sighing, Cho sat down on the couch and Grace joined him, her at one end and him at the other. He sat leaning forward, elbows on his knees, hands joined in front of him while Grace made herself comfortable, curling her legs up underneath her, resting one arm on the back of the couch. “The Director came to see me today,” he finally told her, a sentence that made her blink, then made her eyes grow wary. “The new extension is being opened in three weeks...they’re having a ceremony...and there’s going to be a plaque.” He could see from the way she shifted awkwardly, looked over to the picture of her and Wayne on the mantel that he didn’t have to divulge any more information about the plaque, or the inscription on it. “They want me to make a speech.”

 

Grace chewed her lip nervously. “Is that such a bad thing?”

 

“Yes.” His reply was instant, a touch sharper than he would have liked, and he regretted it instantly when he saw her flinch back. “It is when they don’t want me to mention Jane.”

 

“Oh.”

 

The name hung heavy in the air between them. “And they want you to be there.”

 

At that, Grace visibly blanched. “Kimball, I can’t...”

 

“I told the Director I wouldn’t ask you. I refused. This is just so you know... just in case they say it to you. You don’t have to come...”

 

“You’re going to do it though.” Her arms were crossed protectively over her chest and she wasn’t looking at him. By this stage, Cho was familiar enough with Grace on the verge of shutting down to recognise the signs and he shrugged his shoulders, trying to come up with the right thing to say to diffuse the situation.

 

“I told the Director I’d make the speech... that I’d leave out the things he wanted me to leave out. And that there was no way I would ask you to be there. Not knowing how things were... after. I don’t think he liked it... but he said ok.”

 

Grace sighed. “Thank you. For doing that for me.”

 

Cho shrugged. “No problem.”

 

>*<*>*<

 

The day of the dedication was bright and sunny, not a cloud in the sky. The media were out in force, it being almost two years to the day since Hell had descended upon this very site, and every reporter, every news camera was trained on him, on the plaque, waiting to see his reaction, see what he said. He was standing off to the side of the podium, trying not to appear anxious when he felt a light touch to his elbow.

 

“Room for an uninvited guest?”

 

For a moment, he thought his mind was playing tricks on him but when he turned, sure enough, Grace Van Pelt was standing there. From the little he knew of women’s fashions and habits, he could tell that she’d made a special effort to look her best; the turquoise suit  setting off her hair and eyes perfectly, her make-up hiding the dark shadows that he could just about make out under her eyes. “What are you doing here?” He was surprised into honesty and when she smiled, it didn’t quite meet her eyes.

 

“I know what you said, Kimball,” she told him after a long pause where her eyes travelled all around the site, from the brass to the media, to the invited guests who had just begun to notice her, notice them. “But you’ve always been there for me... I think it’s time that I was there for you.”

 

She was so obviously sincere that Cho was literally speechless. Maybe she saw that, because she just gave him a small smile, squeezing his elbow before she moved to find a seat.

 

She sat in the front row, right where Cho couldn’t help but see her, and when he gave his speech, when he got  to a certain point he went off script, paying tribute not only to the CBI agents who gave their lives, but to “my friend, Patrick Jane... who instead of paying with his life, paid with his sanity.”

 

A hush fell over the crowd, half stunned, half appalled, and Cho could feel the eyes of the Director and every other member of the brass on him, staring daggers at him. But the only face he looked at was Grace’s, and her smile made it all worthwhile.

 

>*<*>*<

 

_IV - Moving On and Letting Go_

 

When his cell phone rang in the middle of the afternoon, Cho checked it automatically, blinking in surprise when he saw Grace’s name in the caller display. Pressing the answer button, he was surprised when Grace barely waited for him to say hello before launching into a panicked speech.

 

“Kimball, it’s me,” she said, as if he didn’t already know that. “Listen, I just got a call from Allie’s minder... her mom is sick and she needs to go to her so she needs me to pick up Allie, but I’m in San Francisco and I can’t get back there and she needs me to collect Allie right now...”

 

Cho could see where this was going and cut her off before she could get there. “Grace, it’s fine,” he told her. “I’ll collect Allie, just give me the address.”

 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out...”

 

Shaking his head, Cho reached for a pen to take down the address. “Take your time,” he said. “You can pick her up when you’re ready. We’ll be fine.”

 

Scribbling down the address, he hung up the phone, grabbing his jacket with his free hand and calling out to the rest of his team that he’d be gone for a little while. He was aware of the strange looks that he got – he couldn’t remember the last time that he’d taken off in the middle of the day – but he didn’t pause, just headed straight for his car and drove to the address that Grace had given him.

 

When he got there, he’d barely put the car in park when the front door opened and a harried looking woman emerged. “You must be Kimball,” she began, and if there was any doubt it was removed when a tiny not-quite-three year old ball of energy flew out the door and wrapped herself around Cho’s legs.

 

“’Im-bil! ‘Im-bil!” For such a tiny little thing, her voice and her grip were enough to make him wince, but he covered the impulse with a laugh, hoisting Allie up in his arms.

 

“What gave it away?” he asked, and harried as she was, the minder managed a laugh.

 

“Grace told me you were coming,” she said. “Will you be ok with her?”

 

Cho looked down at Allie, who at that precise moment was playing with his tie. “I think we’ll be fine,” he said to the minder. Then, to Allie, “How about some ice cream?”

 

The little girl’s face lit up and she laughed in delight. “Yay!” she cried, raising both arms in the air and Cho felt a genuine grin cross his face.

 

He didn’t take many afternoons off but if they were all like this, he’d do it more often.

 

>*<*>*<

 

If Cho had gotten second and third looks when he walked out of the office in the middle of the afternoon, it was nothing compared to the looks that he got when he walked back into the office a couple of hours later with a three-year old perched on his shoulders, ice cream smeared all over her cheeks and chin, singing “Old MacDonald Had A Farm,” at the top of her considerable lungs. Well, he supposed, the fact that he was doing some of the animal sounds might also have attracted some strange looks – the ever so serious Kimball Cho doing pig sounds was not something that most of the CBI agents would ever have seen, nor ever have thought of seeing.

 

Ignoring all the looks, he made his way into his office, setting Allie up in a corner with her bag of colouring books and pencils. He had untold amounts of paperwork to do, so it suited him to be tied to his office all afternoon, and when he had to leave for brief moments, he took Allie with him and enjoyed her reaction as she walked around the office, eyes wide as she looked up at all the new people who were smiling at her.

 

He didn’t realise how late it was until Grace arrived into the office, face red, hair mussed, looking as panicked as she had sounded on the phone. Allie’s face broke out into a huge smile when she saw her mom, and most of Grace’s anxieties seemed to disappear when she saw her daughter. Allie ran into Grace’s arms and Grace scooped her up, hugging her tightly, and she visibly relaxed. Meeting Cho’s eyes over Allie’s shoulder, her voice was breathless when she said, “Thank you so much,” she said and he waved his hand as if to say no problem. Allie wriggled out of her arms in record time, eager to show her mom the colouring that she’d done in “’Im-bil’s” office, and as she watched Allie scamper over to her bag, the colour slowly faded from Grace’s cheeks. Her eyes left Allie for the first time, travelling around the room and for the first time, Cho saw it through her eyes.

 

The paint was different. The desk had moved, was now facing the door rather than perpendicular to it. There were no pictures on the desk, and there were more shelves for files and storage than there had been four years ago. But the last time that Grace had been in that office, Teresa Lisbon had been in the one in charge, the one who sat in the chair. 

 

And Wayne had still been alive.

 

“Grace-” He started to apologise, to say something, anything, that would take that look out of her eyes, but she stopped him by holding up her hand.

 

“It’s ok, Kimball,” she said, even if her voice, her face, said that it was anything but. The smile that she gave him looked forced, horrible. “I mean, it had to happen sometime, right?”

 

“Mama, Mama!” Allie pulled at the hem of Grace’s jacket, making her look down at the picture that she had in her hand, one that Allie had told him earlier was herself and Cho eating ice cream. Cho gulped internally, because he was fairly sure that Grace wouldn’t let Allie eat ice cream in the middle of the afternoon and if Grace recognised what was in the picture, he was in a world of trouble.

 

Sure enough, Grace looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Ice cream? Seriously?”

 

Cho shrugged. “What can I say? I couldn’t help myself.”

 

“You spoil her.” But there was no recrimination in Grace’s tone; if anything it was fond.

 

“She’s easy to spoil.”

 

He smiled at her, and she smiled back at him and it was a moment that lasted longer than maybe it should have, but neither of them was willing to look away and break the spell.

 

That only happened when Allie launched herself in between the two of them, one arm around Cho’s legs, the other around Grace’s.

 

Just like that, Grace took a step back, scooping Allie up into her arms in one smooth motion. “We should go,” she said, casting a look over her shoulder towards the door. “Allie must be getting hungry for her dinner...”

 

“’Inner! ‘Im-bil come for ‘inner, Mama!” Allie made it quite clear what she wanted, and Grace looked down at her, then up at Cho.

 

“Would you like to come over for dinner?” she asked. “It’s Wednesday... mac and cheese night...”

 

Cho nodded, still a little taken aback by that strange moment. “I’d love to.”

 

>*<*>*<

 

That night, when Allie was tucked up in bed asleep and the sea of toys left in Allie’s wake was cleared up, Cho and Grace found themselves sitting on the couch together. Grace was quiet, quieter than Cho had seen her in a long time, but he didn’t think that she would bring up what was bothering her. “Are you ok?” he asked, taking the bull by the horns. “After today.”

 

“Sure.” But he couldn’t think of a time when he’d heard her sound less ok – well, not one that didn’t involve death and funerals.

 

“You sure?” He wasn’t going to let it go; this was too important. “I mean, it’s the first time you’ve been there since...”

 

“I know, ok? I know.” Impatience in every syllable, Grace looked away from him, covering her mouth with her hands momentarily. Taking a long, slow, deep breath, her shoulders rose and fell and when she spoke, it was carefully, as if every word was an effort. “It was harder than I thought it would be. And I knew it would be hard... that’s why I haven’t done it before. I wouldn’t have done it today except...”

 

“You had to.”

 

“Yeah.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how you do it... how you go there every day. I mean... do you still think of it as her office? As his couch?”

 

She didn’t mention names, she didn’t need to. “Yeah,” he said honestly. Because no-one ever used that couch any more, yet when the brass had tried to get rid of it, citing the need for more desk space, Cho had fought tooth and nail to keep it and he’d succeeded. Neither were a coat of paint and a change of furniture going to make Cho believe that it was really his office. Not when he kept remembering being in there once before, telling the woman sitting at the desk that he didn’t want that office, that he didn’t want any walls between him and his team. Things had changed since then, and he’d come to realise that walls weren’t so bad. Walls kept you from getting hurt, and he’d had enough of that for a lifetime. “Every day.”

 

“How do you do it?” she asked seriously. “How do you walk in there every day, doing what you do, knowing what happened there?”

 

“Because if I don’t... it’s not going to change anything. It’s like he won.”

 

Again, there was no need for a name; even the pronoun had Grace’s eyes darkening and Cho remembered once again that she’d suffered more than most at the hands of Red John. “You’re stronger than I am,” she murmured, and at that he stood, going to the armchair that his jacket was thrown over. Taking his wallet from his pocket, he walked back to the couch, sat beside her, closer this time.

 

“You want to know how I do it?” he asked. Opening his wallet, he reached inside, behind his driver’s licence, pulling out a picture and handed it to her. Grace’s eyes widened with surprise, because the picture was one of Allie from the previous Christmas. She was in her pyjamas, a Christmas tree behind her, hugging a teddy bear in the shape of Sesame Street's Bert that was almost as big as she was, a smile of pure delight on her face. The damn thing had been a bitch to wrap but when Cho had seen it in the store, he'd had to get it. With a smile on his face, he'd even signed the card, "From the cool, handsome one," just in case Grace didn't get the joke, but the text message she'd sent him on Christmas morning to say thank you had ended with a smiley face, and when Cho had opened his email a few days later and seen that picture, it had all been worth it. He'd printed out the picture that day, had carried it around in his wallet ever since. “This is how. When I have a bad day, when it gets too much, I think of Allie. Of you. And I remember that he didn’t take everything. No matter how hard he tried... he didn’t take that.”

 

When he looked at her, her eyes were brimming with tears. “I never knew,” she whispered.

 

He shrugged. “You weren’t supposed to.” Carefully he put the picture back into his wallet, ready for the next bad day, and when he closed his wallet again, she surprised him by taking his hand in hers.

 

And just like that, it was like it had been back in the office, right before Allie brought them back to reality.

 

A moment, and they were right there in the middle of it.

 

“You’ve been so strong for us,” she said. “I never would have made it this far without you.”

 

Cho shook his head. “You’re stronger than you know, Grace. You always have been. Hell, you put up with Wayne, right?”

 

A small smile lit across Grace’s lips. “Maybe you’re right,” she said. “But still... you’ve been wonderful.”

 

There were a dozen replies that crossed Cho’s mind, but none of them were spoken because just as he opened his mouth to speak, Grace leaned in and pressed her lips to his. In some ways, it was a complete surprise, in others it was the most natural thing in the world and Cho found himself kissing her back. 

 

Dimly, he wondered was this the smartest thing he’d ever done.

 

Then he decided he didn’t care, and kissed her some more.

 

>*<*>*<

 

_V - Nothing Standing In My Way_

 

Things hadn’t much changed in the tiny Iowa town since the last time that Cho had driven down the main street almost four years before. The rental car still attracted curious stares, though this time they turned to waves when people recognised Grace in the passenger seat. Nothing had changed in Cho’s emotions either; he was as nervous now as he had been then, albeit for a very different reason.

 

The reason being, of course, that things that had changed vastly for him and Grace.

 

As if she was aware of his thoughts – and she probably was, adept as she was at reading his silences – Grace reached over and put her hand over his. “It’s going to be fine.”

 

He lifted an eyebrow but didn’t take his eyes off the road. “You mean I shouldn’t be worried about your dad coming after me with a shotgun?”

 

“Nah.” There was a tinge of amusement in Grace’s tone. “I made Mom promise to hide the ammunition.”

 

At that, he did look at her, saw her looking straight ahead with her lips curled up in a smile. The sight made him smile too, made him relax slightly, because ever since things had changed between him and Grace, that’s what her smile did to him.

 

It worked until they pulled into her parents’ driveway, Grace hopping out to open the gate, Allie hopping up and down with excitement in her car seat. When Grace got back in, he made to put the car into drive, but her hand closed over his again, stopping him. “Kimball, I mean it... it’s going to be fine.” She leaned over then, pressed her lips to his briefly before patting his hand. “Let’s go.”

 

Unlike the last time that Cho had been at this house, Grace’s parents weren’t waiting for him when the car pulled up. This time, instead of an early warning system at the gate, someone was obviously looking out a window for them, or at least waiting to hear a car pull up. The front door opened as Grace was taking Allie out of the car seat and the little girl’s feet barely touched the ground before she was running towards her grandparents, excited cries of “Nana! Poppy!” filling the air.

 

Cho kept his distance, letting the Van Pelts have their reunion, and Grace had to literally go to him, pull him towards the front door.”Mom, Dad,” she said. “You remember Kimball.”

“Of course.” Her mother’s hug was as fierce as it had been four years ago, but this time she was smiling, looking genuinely pleased to see him. “Welcome to our home.”

 

“Thank you.” Cho nodded at her, feeling somewhat awkward at this almost high school moment that he’d never had in high school – he’d never been the kind of guy that girls would take home to meet their parents. “Sir.” He nodded at Grace’s father, reached out to shake his hand. Amos Van Pelt took it, shook it firmly, for longer than Cho had expected.

“Good to have you here, son,” he said after what seemed like an eternity... “Why don’t we take a walk while the ladies catch up?”

 

Grace’s mouth opened but Cho knew full well that it wasn’t a question. “Sounds good,” he lied, falling into step beside the older man, doing his best to ignore the way Grace was biting her lip, the worried look in her eyes.

 

They walked in silence, Cho waiting for Amos to speak, and when he did, the older man got straight to the point. “I believe you and my daughter are seeing one another.”

 

Cho nodded. “Yes, Sir. We are.”

 

“And you think that’s a good idea, do you? With the history you two share?”

 

“History?”

 

“What you went through four years ago... you think it’s healthy for the two of you to be together after that? Don’t you think you’d be better off moving on with your lives? Separately?”

 

Cho’s first response to that was a two word phrase that ended in “off” and he had the forethought to bite his tongue, censor himself immediately. Taking a deep breath, he met Amos’s gaze, held it. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered that. That  _we_  hadn’t considered that.” Surprise flickered in Amos’s face, something that gave Cho heart. “We’ve talked about it... but how I feel about Grace has nothing to do with what happened then. It’s the time we’ve spent together since then... her and Allie... I can’t imagine not having them in my life.”

 

It was unusual for Cho to lay his emotions out on the line like that to anyone, let alone a virtual stranger, but he knew how important this was. Family was important to Grace, all the more so after all she’d been through, and Cho was bound and determined not to be the one who drove a wedge between her and her parents. So he said his piece, no matter how alien it felt to do so, and he kept his eyes fixed on Amos Van Pelt as he did so, hoping that he would see the truth, the emotion, behind the words.

 

Eventually Amos nodded. “Hmmm,” he said. Then, “That’s what Grace said when I asked her that question last week.”

 

It took all of Cho’s interrogation skills not to let his jaw drop, because Grace hadn’t mentioned a word about that to him. Knowing Grace, she probably hadn’t wanted to worry him given how nervous he was about this meeting, but right now he didn’t know whether to feel appreciative or murderous.

 

“You know what she said to me, when I asked her that? She told me that once someone asked one of the Beatles what it was like to be a Beatle. And that he said that it was something no one else would understand, apart from the three other people in the band with him. That that’s what it was like for the two of you... that you could not see one another for the rest of your lives but there would still be a connection there... that she couldn’t imagine her life without you in it.”

 

Grace had never said anything like that to Cho, but Cho remembered sitting on a bench in a graveyard, saying something along the same lines to her. The memory, the fact that she remembered it too, made him smile. “She’s a smart woman, your daughter.”

 

Amos smiled too. “I know.” Clapping Cho on the shoulder, he turned around, heading back for the house. “Come on...let’s get back to those girls of ours before they think I’m burying you out here. I hope you’re hungry... Violet’s been baking all week.”

 

An hour ago, Cho wouldn’t have been able to stomach a thing. Now, he nodded. “Actually, I’m starving.”

 

>*<*>*<

 

“Well, my dad didn’t shoot you.” Grace grinned that night as she slipped into bed beside Kimball, scooting close to him and pressing her – as ever – freezing cold feet against his considerably warmer ones.

 

Cho raised an eyebrow, looking down at her as she laid her head on his shoulder. “Turns out the only one looking for a shotgun was me,” he said dryly. Grace blinked, turned her gaze up to meet his and he took advantage of her momentary worry to tickle her ribs. A cheap tactic maybe, but he figured she deserved at least that much. “Why didn’t you tell me you spoke to your dad about us last week?”

 

He had the satisfaction of seeing Grace’s cheeks grow faintly pink. “I figured you’d want to talk to him yourself...you know, do the whole man-to-man thing. I didn’t think you’d want me interfering.”

 

She was so obviously sincere that Cho could only shake his head. “Sweetheart, next time there’s anything to do with your family, please. Interfere.”

 

Her smile grew wider as she snuggled into his chest, one arm wrapping around him. “I still can’t get used to that,” he heard her murmur.

 

“What?”

 

“You. Calling me sweetheart.” She pulled away from him, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. Her fingers picked at the threads of the patchwork quilt that her grandmother had made. “I just...” She shrugged. “I guess I never picked you for a pet names guy.”

 

“I’m not.” She looked surprised, but there was no point lying about it. “It just slips out sometimes. I’m still getting used to it too.”

 

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” she said hurriedly. “I do. It’s just that...”

 

Propping himself up on one elbow, he turned to face her, his hand closing over both of hers thereby saving her grandmother’s quilt from an untimely end. “It’s a big change.”

 

Even without this change in their relationship, he knew Grace well enough to see relief in her face, heard it in the breathless sigh she let out. “Yeah,” she agreed, wrinkling her nose. He’d never noticed her do that until a few months ago; now he found it adorable. Which was most unlike him – just another change to deal with. “You know... don’t you... how I feel? About you, I mean? I mean, I know I don’t say it but my track record... my last two relationships haven’t exactly ended well...”

 

She was rambling, tears not too far away and his hand moved from her hands to her cheek, thumb moving slowly over the skin there. “I know.” Leaning forward, he brushed his lips over hers gently. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

 

>*<*>*

 

_VI - The Chapter's Been Written_

 

“You don’t have to do this.”

 

Standing face to face, Cho took Grace’s freezing, trembling hands in his, thumbs trying to rub warmth into the knuckles. She gave him the tiniest of smiles, one that reminded him of Allie’s when she was doing something that scared her and was trying to be brave, and the sight just about broke his heart. “I mean it, Grace,” he told her. “I do this... you don’t have to.”

 

She nodded, looking over his shoulder, her jaw tight with resolve. “I know. But I want to.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say, “All evidence to the contrary” or words to that effect but he knew better. “I’m here,” he told her, like he’d told her so many times before. “Any time you want to leave, you just say the word.”

 

Another tight nod. “Let’s go.”

 

They walked side by side up the path into the facility, Grace standing close enough to Cho that he could feel her body heat, but not holding his hand like she normally would. Cho hadn’t realised until just that moment how much he’d come to enjoy the sensation of her hand in his and was surprised to find how much he missed it. He knew it was nothing personal, that it was just to do with this place, with the reason that they were here. He might have come here every couple of months for the last five and a half years but Grace never had, had never even asked him about it.

 

Until last night when she’d told him she was going with him.

 

He’d told her she didn’t have to, even used Allie as an excuse, until she told him that Allie had a play-date after school and that he was wasting his breath. She’d had that look in her eyes then, the one he mentally called her “Lisbon laser”, the one that meant that he had no chance of changing her mind and he’d gracefully retired from the discussion, a small part of him still thinking that she wouldn’t really go through with it.

 

Except she had, and she was walking down these halls side by side with him looking more uncomfortable than he had seen her in many a long day.

 

The lounge was quiet, only one man inside, his white tunic and top almost blending into the couch on which he sat. His pale skin and blond hair only added to the illusion, one Cho never got used to, one that always sent a shiver down his spine.

 

“He looks like a ghost.” Grace’s whisper was the same thought he had every time he came in this door and he reached over and took her hand, squeezed it tightly. It wasn’t for her though, not entirely at least – he needed it just as much as she did.

 

“He’s never talked, not in all the time I’ve been here...the doctors say he never does.” Part of the breakdown they’d said, a product of the things he had seen, the things he had done. For a long time, there had been a part of Cho that hadn’t believed that, hadn’t wanted to believe that – after all, he’d seen Jane fool people before. He didn’t think that any more though – not after this long. Wishful thinking, he’d told himself because much like his earlier realisation about Grace’s handhold, he hadn’t realised how much he enjoyed working with Jane until the world went to hell around them.

 

“So what do you do? Just talk to him?”

 

Cho pulled a paperback out of his inside pocket. “Read mostly.” He shrugged. “I don’t know if it helps... if it does anything for him...”

 

Grace’s smile was small, but her touch on his arm was warm. “It helps you.”

 

She knew him too well.

 

Going over to Patrick, he sat in his customary seat, Grace sitting beside him, her back ramrod straight. Cho said his hellos and when Grace didn’t, he opened the book to the previous session’s ending position and began to read.

 

He didn’t know how long he’d been reading when he felt a hand on his shoulder, a gentle pressure. Grace was standing, her face ashen, freckles standing out in stark relief. “I’ll be outside,” she whispered. “I just...”

 

“Go. I won’t be long.” He meant it, but when she left the room almost at a run, he hastened his reading just enough so that he wasn’t lingering long.

 

“I’ll see you soon, Patrick,” he said as he was going, looking down at those unblinking blue eyes that were staring straight ahead at who knew what.

 

He was halfway to the door when he heard a familiar voice.

 

“He didn’t win.”

 

Cho whipped around faster than he might have believed possible, but Patrick Jane sat in the same position with the same facial expression he’d had every time Cho had seen him in this place.

 

For a long moment, Cho stood there, waiting for something, anything, that might tell him he had only been imagining things. When nothing came, he left to join Grace.

 

>*<*>*<

 

_VII -  Kept Turning Pages_

 

Once again, Cho found himself and Grace crawling around the living room floor, picking up toys and books after Allie had gone to bed. It wasn’t the first time that it had happened since Grace had moved back to California; in fact it was somewhat of a ritual for them. There was one major difference though, the same difference that there had been for the last six months. It was a new living room, a living room that they shared in the house that they shared, and Allie was up in the room that she had picked, that Cho had painstakingly painted to her exact requirements – and, he remembered it with a grin, they had certainly been exact.

 

“I thought we were going to get her to clean up after herself when we moved in here,” Grace said dryly, her voice bringing him back to reality and Cho chuckled in response.

 

“We’ll get there,” was all he said and that was Grace’s cue to chuckle.

 

“I love your faith.” She continued on her path around the floor, tossing toys into various bins and baskets. He kept his eyes on her, partially to admire the view, partially to track her progress. His heart began beating more quickly as she neared him, and for the briefest moment it seemed to stop altogether when she stopped moving, gaze fixed on a small box lying beside a pile of toys. “Kimball,” she said slowly, never taking her gaze from that small box. “What’s that?”

 

Cho made his way nearer to her. “It’s a box.”

 

The Lisbon laser made its appearance, albeit a very watered down one. She didn’t point out that she already knew that, stuck with, “What’s inside it?”

 

“Look and see.” When she didn’t move, Cho tried not to worry about what that might mean and put it down to simple shock. Reaching out, he took the box in one hand, opened it up with the other.

 

“Kimball...” Kneeling now, one shaking hand went to her lips as she stared at the diamond solitaire winking in the light.

 

“Grace.” Shifting so that he was on one knee, he extended the box towards her. “I could say a million things about how I love you and how you mean everything to me. But that’s not me. Besides, you know it already anyway. But I do. Love you. So... will you marry me?”

 

For what seemed like forever, she stared at the ring, then looked up, her eyes meeting his. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she whispered the word, “Yes.”

 

He kissed her, then slipping the ring on her finger and kissed her again.

 

They forgot about the rest of the toys that night.

 

When they told Allie their news the next morning, she squealed with delight, hugged them both and started planning her bridesmaid’s dress – very pink and Barbie was the prevailing theme.

 

But when she asked if she could call Cho “Dad” when after the wedding, Grace cried again and Cho felt a distinct lump in his throat when Grace once again said yes.

 

>*<*>*<

 

The wedding was a small, intimate affair, taking place in the church in Grace’s home town where Grace and Allie had both been baptised. The only guests present were family and a few close friends, and in something both Grace and Cho considered a coup of miraculous proportions, there was no media contingent within a hundred square miles. That was part of the reason they had kept the details quiet, kept the guest list small, even though everyone in the small town knew what was happening. Fiercely loyal to the Van Pelt family though, nobody was going to spill the beans, another reason for having the wedding there – neither Cho nor Van Pelt were vain enough to believe that the American people-slash-media were still interested in them after so much time had passed, but both were cautious enough not to tempt fate.

 

Allie got to wear her pink dress, though not Barbie pink, Grace and her mom having talked her out of that particular choice. Cho wore a tuxedo, not because he wanted to but because Allie really wanted him to, and when he and Grace talked about it, she admitted that she’d like him to wear one too. “You’d look so handsome,” she said with that look in her eyes that made him weak at the knees and he was a goner after that.

 

As for Grace’s dress, it was not the princess confection that Allie had taken to drawing, but it was long and white, halter necked and slinky and when she walked down the aisle towards him, Cho had to swallow a lump in his throat. She had never looked more beautiful and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. 

 

Before they said their vows, they lit a candle in memory of Wayne. Their joined hands held the taper, their other hands held Allie’s as they remembered the man who meant so much to them all. As they turned and returned to their places, Cho could see Wayne’s mom in the congregation, wiping her eyes carefully with a handkerchief. She managed to give him a smile and a nod, the latest blessing from her. She’d been more supportive of his relationship with Grace than they had any right to expect, but she loved Allie and could see how happy Cho made her and Grace. “That’s all Wayne would have wanted,” she told them when they told her about the change in their relationship.

 

As they said their vows, neither Cho nor Grace could stop smiling.

 

It may have been a broken road that led them there, but they were there, together and nothing else mattered

 

>*<*>*<

 

_VIII - Here at Last_

It was a sunny day, without a cloud in the sky and Cho was sitting on the back porch. It was, he reflected, much like the day when his life had changed, the first day he had met Allie when she was just a baby. He often remembered that when sitting out here, amazed at how much his life had changed, amazed at how happy he now was, how he couldn’t imagine his life any other way.

 

Today though, he wasn’t in Iowa at the Van Pelt’s house. He was in California in his own back yard and  he was looking at the lawn, at the little boy tottering around, chasing after the small dog that looked to be halfway between terrified and having the time of his life. The boy showed no such confusion though; his laughs reached all the way back to Cho and made him grin broadly.

 

Suddenly, a shadow fell across him and he looked up to see a very serious face staring down at him with troubled eyes. "Hey there, Allie," he said, extending an arm to her, waiting for her to sit down and snuggle into him. "What's got you so serious?"

 

Allie sat down beside him but a way apart from him; the better, he thought, to see his face. "I was playing at Jessie's house yesterday," she began. "And her brother was there."

 

"'Mmm-hmmm." Cho kept his face straight and his mouth shut. He had his own opinion of Jessie's brother, and it wasn't favourable – he reminded him far too much of himself at that age.

 

"He said it was weird that you called Wayne Wayne. Because he said that's my real dad's name and it was weird that you and Mom would call your son after him." Tears brimmed in Allie's eyes and Cho reached over and pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head for good measure.

 

"You listen to me," he told her, his cheek on top of her head, her face buried in his shoulder. "The next time Jessie's brother, or anyone, says something like that to you? You tell them that your dad and I were best friends. That we would have done anything for each other. And that when your mom and I fell in love after he was gone, we both agreed that he'd be happy I was taking care of you both. And that we named your brother after him because he was one of the finest men I ever knew and we wanted to honour him."

 

There was the distinct sound of a sniff from Allie and he tightened his grip on her, smiling to himself when she returned the pressure. "I love you, Daddy," he heard her say and he had to swallow against the sudden lump in his throat. 

 

"I love you too, Allie," he said, giving her another long moment before she straightened up and smiled at him from under red-rimmed eyes. "Now, how about you go and rescue the dog before your brother gives him a heart attack?"

 

With a giggle, Allie ran off, sneaking up behind Wayne and picking him up, spinning him around. The little boy let out a shriek that was half protest and half delight. Cho was smiling when another shadow fell across him and he looked up to see his wife standing there, her smile a touch forced, her eyes a little red. "Nicely done," she observed, sitting down beside him. 

 

"I don't like Jessie's brother," he told her. "He sounds like a little punk."

 

Grace's lips quirked up in an almost smile. "He is," she said. "He's also thirteen years old and likes to tease his little sister and her friends."

 

"About something like that?" Cho turned his head sharply towards her, and she raised her hand as if to ward off any further comments.

 

"He went too far...I'll talk to Janet about him." Grace's tone said loud and clear that that was an end to the matter and Cho was happy to let it drop. If he knew one thing about his wife, it was when she used that tone with that look in her eyes, it didn't pay to do anything else. "You know what day today is?" she asked him a couple of minutes later.

 

He did. Of course he did. "Ten years," was all he said, taking her hand in his. 

 

"Did you ever think... back then..."

 

"Nope." Cho could say it with a chuckle, one that she shared. "But however we got here... we got here."

 

Grace nodded, swallowing hard. "You make me happy, Kimball," she said quietly. "When I never thought I would be again. I don't know if I thank you enough for that." A pause, a squeeze of his hand. "Did you mean what you said to Allie? That you think Wayne would be happy for us?"

 

"Are you kidding me?" Cho snorted. "He'd kick my ass. Or try to."

 

He was half joking, but only half because the one thing he’d always known about Wayne was that he wanted Grace to be happy, even if it couldn’t be with him. Grace knew that because her face lit up in a brilliant smile and she laughed that laugh of hers that always made his heart skip a beat. "Come on," he said, standing up and pulling her to her feet. "Let's go rescue that poor dog."

 

Hand in hand, they made their way down the back porch steps to play with their children. 

 


End file.
